I am a single mom!!

For one week(until Friday) I am all alone. John took the youth to camp and I stayed behind with the kids. I will miss him so much, but I think he needed to get away and have some fun.

Plus I am looking forward to using this time to really grow spiritually. To have some more awesome talks with my new friend Davina. Her and I can just lay all our crap out for each other to see without feeling like we will be criticized or have to hide anything. We have had such awesome talks about our faith, our frustrations with our lack of obedience at time, kids, husbands, and just life in general.

It is so nice to have someone to talk to that you can just let it all hang out and be totally vulnerable(sp?) with, without fear. I had been praying for that and God heard. I mean I can talk to John about anything, but somethings he doesn't understand because he is a man and they don't think like we do.

Anyway so my husband is gone. He left with bright pink hair because of a fundraiser and I am excited to see what the kids think. Alex already misses him and so do I. I mean yes he is gone alot with work, so we don't see him a ton between him sleeping and work, but I will miss our time together when the boys are both napping(yes God has blessed me with them sleeping at the same time most days). This week will be interesting!!

Here are some pictures of this past week. Casey graduated on Friday.




Mandi

I never have been one for having many people really close to me. Throughout school I have only had 1 or 2 close friends at a time. I am still friends with only 1 person from school, Laura. Other than Laura, the only other person I really have ever been close to is my sister-in-law Kari and lately my sister Ashley. Both are not only sisters to me but really are friends also.

I have always prided myself with being able to talk to people and be friendly, but really cultivating lasting relationships that are tight has always been hard for me. I have friends from church, many older women, who I am close too, but not really anyone my own age. I seem to only let people get so close to me, in fear of being hurt(fear from from my childhood) and I use sarcasim alot to hide that fear.

Anyway this family have been coming to church and I really like the wife. She is only 2 years older than me and we really have hit it off. Yesterday she came over and we talked for 5 hours until I had to get Alex. She is pretty easy to talk to and the best part is that she has a hunger for fellowship with fellow believers. I really think she could be an accountability-partner for me. That is really what I need. I need someone that can test my faith and I can do the same for them. Someone that I can talk to about problems and not feel judgement or condemnation. She has voiced a similar yearning for that in her life also, so I really feel that this is God's will.

I know that God wants me to grow in his word and to become more than I am. There have been other people that I have meet lately that I also feel will help John and I with the youth group coaching that we are desiring. I think this is a season for growth for my family!!!
Mandi

It still hurts!!

Last night I was looking through Alex's and JJ's scrapbooks and it really got me to think about Jacob. I know it has been 3 1/2 years since I lost him, but it still hurts. I have moved past it, but I will never forget him. He was my first baby, my first son. Even though I didn't have anytime with him while he was alive, he was still so very real to me.

I am so blessed in my life, and I thank God everyday for all 3 of my boys. I thank him for giving me Jacob, even though I didn't get to raise him. I try not to think to much on what it would be like if he had lived, because then I remember that if he had lived I wouldn't have Alex, and I could never choose one son over another. This way I got them both.

It just hurts to see how much Alex and JJ are growing and realize that I will never see Jacob grow up. He will always be the same to me. His picture will never change.
Mandi

My boys

Yesterday I decided to take a picture of JJ similar to one I had taken of Alex at the same age. Well then Alex wanted to get his picture taken too, so here is what I ended up with.
Alex at 6 months

JJ at 6 months

Alex at 2 1/2

The Boys

And I found Alex's 1st halloween costume I made and Alex wanted to try it on again, so him and JJ took turns.
JJ

Alex halloween 2005

Alex yesterday

I just love my boys so much!!! They bring so much joy(and sometimes stress) into my life and I can't imagine not having them both to hug and kiss everyday!! I thank God for them everyday!
Mandi